jaded.
done in.
exhausted.
fatigued.
weary.
drained.
burnt out.
So many words to describe the way that I have been feeling lately. I have to admit that I've been trying to deny the fact that I really might indeed be burnt out. When I first felt this - this feeling of absolute tiredness - I attributed it to a lack of sleep (and, honestly, to being under-stimulated). However, after forcing myself to get 8+ hours of sleep a few nights in a row and experiencing no positive changes, I finally admitted defeat to one of the most common syndromes in my line of work.
It's funny how you just can't snap out of being burnt out (maybe you can but I haven't found the answer yet). I wonder if we were created to reach this point so that we would finally stop to take care of ourselves. Granted, sometimes it's not possible to stop and treat yourself to a day off, or to find a place of refuge and solitude in which to recuperate and recharge, but most of the time, it is. Unfortunately, sometimes, even when we do take time to refuel, it doesn't stop the inevitable from happening.
Needless to say, I am counting down the days (31 to be exact) when I will be back home. I know that being "home" might not be much different from being here, after all, I will still have the responsibilities and demands of life. But, perhaps the cure for being burnt out is more of a shift in mentality than anything else. This isn't to say that fatigue and exhaustion doesn't affect a person physically, because we all know that it does, but home is home because we choose it to be, and that is attributed to a mentality. Everything that is associated with "home" - comfort, safety, shelter, love - are things that we create to be truths in our mind just as much as they are truths in the physical sense.
I am now realizing that one of the most effective ways to prevent against being burnt out (regardless of where you are) is to be in community. When I lived in China for two years, I took community for granted because we were sent out by my organization in groups. Up until about 2 months ago, I also took community for granted here in Rwanda. It was only after my best friend left that I understood the importance of community - the life that it breathes, the comfort and shelter that it offers - a home away from home. This, of course, isn't to say that having community makes you immune to exhaustion and burn out, but it really does help slow down the process and provide a safe space for if and when it does happen.
I guess all this is to say that my views of being independent have changed. I used to think I could do everything on my own - and even wanted to do everything on my own. Maybe I'm finally growing up, but life really is better when you have others to share it with.
done in.
exhausted.
fatigued.
weary.
drained.
burnt out.
So many words to describe the way that I have been feeling lately. I have to admit that I've been trying to deny the fact that I really might indeed be burnt out. When I first felt this - this feeling of absolute tiredness - I attributed it to a lack of sleep (and, honestly, to being under-stimulated). However, after forcing myself to get 8+ hours of sleep a few nights in a row and experiencing no positive changes, I finally admitted defeat to one of the most common syndromes in my line of work.
It's funny how you just can't snap out of being burnt out (maybe you can but I haven't found the answer yet). I wonder if we were created to reach this point so that we would finally stop to take care of ourselves. Granted, sometimes it's not possible to stop and treat yourself to a day off, or to find a place of refuge and solitude in which to recuperate and recharge, but most of the time, it is. Unfortunately, sometimes, even when we do take time to refuel, it doesn't stop the inevitable from happening.
Needless to say, I am counting down the days (31 to be exact) when I will be back home. I know that being "home" might not be much different from being here, after all, I will still have the responsibilities and demands of life. But, perhaps the cure for being burnt out is more of a shift in mentality than anything else. This isn't to say that fatigue and exhaustion doesn't affect a person physically, because we all know that it does, but home is home because we choose it to be, and that is attributed to a mentality. Everything that is associated with "home" - comfort, safety, shelter, love - are things that we create to be truths in our mind just as much as they are truths in the physical sense.
I am now realizing that one of the most effective ways to prevent against being burnt out (regardless of where you are) is to be in community. When I lived in China for two years, I took community for granted because we were sent out by my organization in groups. Up until about 2 months ago, I also took community for granted here in Rwanda. It was only after my best friend left that I understood the importance of community - the life that it breathes, the comfort and shelter that it offers - a home away from home. This, of course, isn't to say that having community makes you immune to exhaustion and burn out, but it really does help slow down the process and provide a safe space for if and when it does happen.
I guess all this is to say that my views of being independent have changed. I used to think I could do everything on my own - and even wanted to do everything on my own. Maybe I'm finally growing up, but life really is better when you have others to share it with.
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